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"Be decisive and trust your abilities"

Last weekend after performing on Governors Island, Joanna overheard a father on the playground tell his daughter, "be decisive and trust your abilities". When Joanna came back over to the hammock park and told me this, I thought to myself- what a metaphor, perfect blog material. . And so I write.

The work is very revealing on many levels and the more we show up to rehearsals and pay attention, the more awareness is brought to how we as individuals and as a group handle different scenarios. As we actively practice this work, our "shticks", our habits that we fall in to are brought to the forefront. And how easy it is to go into autopilot, resulting in a predictable or not true to the moment outcome. It's up to us to challenge ourselves to be truly present in order to make the most authentic and honest choices in a given moment, for ourselves and for the group. We often use the term zoom in zoom out when checking in with ourselves and with the group, the bigger picture.

Part of this practice is showing up with a willingness to jump in to the unknown and to stay with the awkward and the discomfort that may follow. Trusting ourselves and the decisions we make. What a metaphor for life! And how challenging that's been for me lately. I've always been more of an observer, often a perfectionist and give decisions a lot of weight. As I come to a crossroads in my own life, I am finding simple, small decisions challenging and choose to stay in limbo by default. " oh I'm looking at schools, trying to figure out the next step" - I've been saying that for YEARS. What an opportunity to apply " be decisive and trust your abilities" (Easier said then done).

Writing this blog entry is a prime example. I often find writing is a more natural mode of articulating myself then speaking out loud but this entry has been really hard-hard to organize my thoughts and make coherent statements so I've either put it off, waiting for the right time where I can really sit down and write, in the mood etc... Or I've written an entire blog worth and decided it didn't articulate what I wanted and threw it out. The same goes for filling out an artistic statement when applying my choreography to different festivals. The weight I give decisions lately is so heavy and paramount that instead of helping, it is paralyzing. What is this called? pERFECTiOnISM rearing its ugly head. I want to wait until the right time the right moment, the right move, when in reality there is no "right" time. So I am putting this in writing right here, right now to hold myself accountable: be decisive and trust your abilities. And then LET THINGS GO.

Make a decision. It might not work out the way you planned. Stay with that decision and see where it leads. Trust your ability to know when to keep going or if indeed the time has come to let it go and move on. Zoom in zoom out. Then make a new decision and trust your ability to get you through. If you show up and pay attention, You are right where you're supposed to be.