I thought I was finished writing after the last post. Well I'm back! And I'm literally on my back, back spasms and all. The body doesn't lie. Every year for the past three years, I've had a back spasm that takes me out for at least a few days, if not weeks around the same time in July/August so as to say LISTEN UP. It could be a combination of things- the extreme heat vs over air conditioned spaces, not warming up properly or my way of saying summer time is meant for a slower pace. Either way, it forces me to be with myself in a way I'd rather not. It interrupts my plans, it is unnerving (is this age? will i be able to move again?), it makes me forget everything I know about the body. But it quickly puts things in perspective. And it's the body's way of calling me out: Hey you need to address xyz because it's not really working anymore or hey you are still not lining up your life the way you want or hey live out your goddamn purpose already, you know what it is! or hey time to tune in.
Realignment has taken many forms this year: with The Lovelies, in my living situation, in my career, in my relationship. The last two are the two I currently need to look at most. Am I aligned with my life or am I fighting it? Am I in agreement with choices I have made or am I just blowing in the wind? If not in agreement, what do I need to change? A continual pulse check in life for life.
In the work, how do we find agreement? A radical yes to what's happening? A yes and? Listening for the yes and the no? If I've forgotten to apply these questions to the rest of my life, how do I suddenly practice them in studio?
I can be intentional around my choices or I can check out and noodle around. Well here I am, unable to runaway, surrendering to myself for myself. And I'm ready to listen.